


Atlas

by bbguns554



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Angst, Hero Worship, M/M, Masturbation, Mutual Pining, Pining, Post-Kerberos Mission, Pre-Kerberos Mission
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-07-25
Updated: 2017-07-31
Packaged: 2018-12-06 17:49:50
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,129
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11605770
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bbguns554/pseuds/bbguns554
Summary: “You have to understand,” he addresses the class, they hang on his every word, “how rare, how incredibly rare, it is for life to exist in any form.  How unique it makes us here on this blue dot, hurtling through space thousands and thousands of miles per hour.  How luck we are to be here, and especially to be here now.“Keith is probably (definitely) in love with his best friend/mentor, Shiro.





	1. Venus

**Pre-Kerberos**

**Venus**

“You have to understand,” he addresses the class, they hang on his every word, “how rare, how incredibly rare, it is for life to exist in any form. How unique it makes us here on this blue dot, hurtling through space thousands and thousands of miles per hour. How luck we are to be here, and especially to be here now.“ He pauses for a moment, lost in his own thoughts.

“Soon they will be choosing the team for the Kerberos mission. When they choose me,” he laughs softly and runs his hand through his hair, a little self-deprecating smile on his lips. Keith can feel his heart stop and start up again; it feels like he is moving thousands of miles an hour now. “When they choose me, I don’t expect to find life out there, at least not the way we understand it, but the information, the raw data, we gather from this mission is invaluable.   Maybe one day we can terraform, maybe one day we can explore deeper into the universe than we can even see at this point. As rare as life is, maybe one day we can find others like us out there, share with them what we have learned, have them share with us.”

The class is hanging on his every word and as the bell rings half the students jump, as if expecting this moment to last forever, encapsulated in something so special, to be so close to their hero, that maybe if they listened hard enough some of that special extra _something_ Shiro had would rub off on them. But the bell rang, and the spell was broken.

Keith gathered his books and got ready to join the stream of Garrison students heading to their next classes before Shiro stopped him near the door. “Hey Kogane, we still on for tonight?”

“Of course” Keith smiles. Ever since Shiro became his student mentor he has a hard time not smiling. It feels like he is carrying the entire sun in his chest, Shiro is just so … perfect.

And untouchable, he has to remind himself, absolutely untouchable. He slips out of the room before he has a chance to embarrass himself by blushing. Even still, has he walks down the hallway he can feel his cheeks heat up, can feel the sun in his chest flare up.

With Shiro he is remembered, with Shiro he feels safe, like he can finally relax into life at the Garrison. Shiro, who tells Keith that he is smart and strong and capable, makes Keith feel invincible and wanted. Keith can’t even find it in himself to be upset that his hero-crush will never be reciprocated.

His next class breezes by, time speeding up, going so fast Keith doesn’t even remember walking back to his dorm, doesn’t remember the lesson before that. He just keeps thinking about Shiro’s speech. About once a month some of the higher ranks or up and coming talents would speak to classes to build morale and keep the student-recruits excited and dedicated to the Garrison, but Shiro was by far the best speaker and definitely the most exciting. Everyone knew he was on the short list to be the pilot for the Kerberos mission.

Keith started getting ready to meet up with Shiro. He was still so lost in his thoughts he didn’t notice when he almost ran in to a group of students in the hall on his way to the showers. He didn’t apologize, didn’t see bright, blue eyes narrow as he stumbled past them.   His heart beat, fast and steady, pounding out: Shiro, Shiro, Shiro.

So …. Yeah. He had it bad. Really bad. Keith knew this though, so that made it better right? At least he recognized it enough to try to hide it, to not embarrass himself irreparably.

He was ready earlier than expected and made his way downstairs and outside the dorms to wait for Shiro. He had said last week that this week would be something special, something different than just hanging out in the dorms or in town. Keith shrugged on his jacket, even though it was a warm evening. Shiro had asked him to wear it, said they were going to take his hover bike somewhere.

Keith still couldn’t believe his incredible luck to have landed Shiro in the mentor program. He wasn’t used to being lucky, not after everything he had seen and been through. Although he was only 16 (almost 17, only a few weeks now) he has seen more than his share of tragedy, but the Garrison took him in as a scholarship student, understanding of his circumstances.

The Garrison took him in, but Shiro made him feel like he belonged, and for the first time in a long time Keith was able to relax, flourish. He felt like he was becoming someone new each day, better. He felt like one day he could maybe have what Shiro had, respect, admiration, a future that wasn’t just toiling at some sweaty, minimum wage job, scrounging for a life he didn’t want. He believed he could have more, was worth more, and it was all thanks to Shiro.

When they had first begun the program it was a stilted relationship. Shiro was friendly, but Keith’s walls stayed up, distrustful of authority and people who were too easy speaking with others. Of course, Keith was attracted to Shiro, even that early on, but he didn’t trust him, didn’t know how. One night, after getting nowhere with Keith, Shiro suggested that they finish all the compulsory weekly paperwork for the year in one go, to have it done with. Keith had been angry, thinking that this meant Shiro was giving up on him, but after they did the paperwork (hours and hours of it, over cocoa, staying up late into the night and finally, _finally_ , getting to know each other) Shiro still suggested they meet the next week, just to hang out. And the week after that. And the week after that.

Soon they were just hanging out as friends, getting away from the Garrison to get shakes from the diner or take a walk through the town a few miles down the road.   Keith began trusting Shiro explicitly and almost unconditionally. With all but his most secret thoughts, he shared with him, and Shiro shared back.

Keith’s crush on Shiro was undeniable, he thought somewhere in the back of his head Shiro must know, but he was too good, too kind to say anything about it. Keith was so thankful that Shiro was so good, that he waved to him in the halls; that he hung out with him and seemingly not out of obligation or pity. It was new to Keith and he reveled in it.

His attraction to Shiro was another thing though. It felt in a way like a betrayal of their friendship, like in those private moments that they were together Keith was cheapening it with his desire for something more. It felt like friendship with what was basically a human God should have been enough.

There was no way for Shiro to know that when he took Keiths hand to lead him to a cool spot he had discovered in the park that it made Keith’s heart race. Shiro couldn’t know that when he texted him good luck on his exams Keith’s whole face burns bright and hot, exhilarated.

And at night when Keith sneaks off to the showers for alone time, Shiro would never know about the ultimate betrayal caused by him reaching up to grab something high on a shelf, exposing a line of skin where his shirt ended. Or when Keith trips over a crack in the sidewalk and Shiro puts his strong arms around him to prevent him from falling, pressing their bodies close. Shame also burns hot, sometimes Keith thinks he flushes so much he could basically heat the whole of the Garrison.

It’s easy though, almost too easy some nights, to forget the shame, when it’s just his memories and the hot spray from the shower, slick hands over slick skin. He imagines Shiro wants him, the reach for something on the shelf was a prelude to the removal of a shirt, hot breath ghosting over his ear, deep wet kisses, hands not his own moving with purpose.

He invents a scenario where Shiro saved him from falling on the sidewalk and kissed his embarrassment away, when they get home he would remove his pants and kiss away imaginary bruises on his knees, wet mouth traveling north to their true destination. Wet and hot, _exactly_ where he wants it, teasing licks, soft nuzzling. He likes to think of the faces and sounds Shiro would make while Keith reciprocates, as they build towards their beautiful mutual goal.

In the shower he has imagined hundreds or thousands of scenes like these. How flawlessly they would fit together, puzzle pieces finally finding a home with each other. He imagines Shiro taking him hard and fast, or sometimes unhurried, so slow and slippery. He likes to think of them as being in a real relationship, something tangible to hold on to, however unlikely.

Maybe if Shiro wouldn’t touch him, maybe he could just touch Shiro. Maybe that would be allowed. Maybe that sort of closeness would be better for both of them? If it was just physical release for Shiro … maybe then he had a chance. His shower thoughts spiral out in many directions, there all is allowed, all is valid, if only for a few moments.

Keith checks his watch, breaking out of his not wholesome and totally not helpful thoughts, it was almost time. The sun was starting to get low, bathing the desert in soft orange-purple light. A warm breeze kicks up and he smiles. He really can’t stop.  The quiet whir of the hover bike gets closer and Keith can feel the sun in his chest expand into constellations, feeling so warm and big in his chest, a swoop down in his stomach.

Shiro is smiling at him, holding out a second helmet. “I’ve got something really special planned”, he says, “Let’s get out of here. I can’t wait for you to see it.” Keith gets comfortable behind him, trying very hard not to think about the close, warm press of bodies. He gives in a little though, and as they ride further and further from civilization he lets his head rest on Shiro’s back and feels the deep, steady breaths. Moments like this he feels like he is flying, up high with the stars, so happy to float along.


	2. Saturn

About twenty minutes later they make it to a small house in the middle of the desert. Shiro cuts the bike and they dismount. The deep purple of twilight has passed now and everything is bathed in deep blue light as they make their way to the house. 

Shiro went inside and grabbed a picnic basket and a large blanket. He doesn’t offer an explanation for how he knows this place, but Keith thinks it must be special to him, or maybe he hopes it is. He thinks it must be something special, a private side of Shiro where he can escape being a hero-prodigy and just be. Maybe something he hadn’t showed anyone else but Keith, like he was special, different from everyone else at the Garrison.

 “I know it’s a little unorthodox” Shiro says as he lays out the blanket, “but I thought getting away would be good for now. Things are going to ramp up soon, I think … I hope. I thought we could just look at the stars. What do you think?”

“Yeah” Keith doesn’t really know what to say, “It’s … it’s great”. He could never do it justice, set up on a cliff, looking over the dark desert, the sky so great and large above them, so many stars winking. He never had anything this special to share with someone, but he could feel the abject different-ness of this night. Set out, set above, all the other times they were alone together.

They settled down onto the blanket and Shiro digs out some food from the basket. Keith eats to have something to do with his hands, to prevent his suddenly dry-as-dust mouth from saying something to break the silence that settled over them.

Shiro sighs as he leans back, his arms behind his head, stretched out so long and graceful ( _leonine_ Keith thinks) that Keith almost chokes on the grapes he’s eating.

Eventually Keith settles in, next to Shiro, because he is helpless. They are closer than they have ever been before, pressed together shoulder to foot. At least in the low starlight no one will be able to see the color high on his cheeks.

“I’ve been thinking about your speech. The class loved it.” Keith turns his head away from the stars to look at the man next to him, only 20 years old, but already a legend. “You know, I used to hope that aliens existed when I was little. After I lost … after my parent’s … whatever happened to them … it was comforting to think that there was more out there. I used to wish I was an alien and that my parents were coming for me after they got back from some big intergalactic battle, that they loved me so much they would come back from universes away … that I was so special … they would just … that they would have to come back for me.” He hadn’t meant to stay so much, but he couldn’t take it back. Keith hoped Shiro would say anything, or at the very least wouldn’t look over and see the tear haze in his eyes, he looked back up to the stars, trying to recapture the feeling of his youth, of endless possibility.

“I know you don’t like to talk about it,” Shiro startled Keith out of his thoughts, “your parents, but I think you are incredibly brave for being here, for excelling in the pilot programs. Against incredible odds you are here, _now.”_ Keith took in a shaking breath and let himself look at Shiro again, this time Shiro was looking back.

“Hey now. It’s okay to be upset, it’s okay to let it out every once in a while, it’s healthy.” Shiro wiped away the tears on Keith’s face with the pad of his thumb.

“I think there must be alien life out there,” Shiro smiled, “I mean what are the chances we are alone here. I think kid Keith had it right; we are not alone. When I need to clear my head I just think about how infinite the sky is, how space expands into forever, and will continue to expand. I like to think about all the stars we see today might not even be there anymore, but their light still is, like a memory. It makes me feel like I have a place in the universe, like I have a chance to make a difference, even if it’s only in my head.”

Shiro turned his face back to the sky as he grabbed Keith’s hand. Keith couldn't help but think about how warm Shiro’s hand was, how rough and calloused from the controls. He shifted closer to Shiro until their shoulders pressed closer, not wanting to ruin the moment, but needing to feel something more solid.

“I think that we exist at all is an anomaly. Like I said in class today, how rare. But think about it. All that vastness and wonder in the infinite universe, and we get to exist here, we get to explore it. Right now, it’s all for us. How rare, how beautiful.”

“Thanks, Shiro.” For more than he knew, more than he would ever know. Shiro always knew what to say to put Keith at ease, to make his dark moods a little brighter.

They remained on the blanket staring at the stars as the temperature dropped, too cold to be comfortable, but still they stayed, pressing closer, contemplating the universe, talking rarely, but with great purpose. Keith felt understood, Shiro felt at peace.

Keith fell asleep as some point deep in the night, snuggling closer to Shiro until the older man lifted his arm up and pulled him closer, letting Keith rest his head on his chest. Shiro ran his fingers absentmindedly up and down Keith’s arm, giving the younger man goosebumps, but still he slept.

Shiro fell asleep at some point, only waking when Keith stirred against him in the pale blue light of very early dawn. They were spooning, both using Shiro’s arm as a pillow, Shiro’s arm around Keith’s waist, keeping him warm through the night.

Keith turned in to the heat, not yet realizing that this wasn’t a dream, that the heat was another person. Groggy, he opened his eyes, looked at Shiro like he was some sort of deity, the entirety of his existence. Shiro looked into his eyes and knew he couldn’t ignore whatever had been building between them, however wrong. His mind raced thinking of every reason he had to deny what was bubbling up in him: Keith’s age, their rank differences, Garrison policy, the Kerberos mission … the list went on, but despite all this it still seemed worth it.

Shiro shook his head and huffed as he stood up, breaking the embrace they had settled in to. Even if he couldn’t deny what he was feeling, that didn’t mean now was the time. He wouldn’t jump into anything just to satisfy the swooping in his stomach; he couldn’t be that selfish. Keith was more important than that. Keith deserved more than some poorly timed fling or ill thought out romance.

They gather up the remains of the picnic and fold the blanket together wordlessly. The drive back to the Garrison seeming much shorter, and they made it back to Keith’s dorm building just in time to enjoy the sunrise.

Keith didn’t want it to end. It was everything he had wanted, waking up in Shiro’s arms still felt like a dream, like if they separated at this point it would all vanish with the new day. Shiro parked the bike and helped the younger man off the seat, Keith seeming too dazed to have done it gracefully by himself.

Before Shiro could over think his actions he reached out and hugged Keith goodbye, pressing their bodies close for maybe a few seconds too long, before remounting the bike and speeding off to his own dorm on the other side of campus. Keith stood in the parking lot for long minutes, watching Shiro take off until he was small in the distance, blinking out of sight.  


End file.
